The Briar Philosopher - Tryin' Times (FREE ACCESS)

Though these are trying times indeed, that isn’t the kind of trying I’m actually talking about. 
I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the old movie, The Empire Strikes Back. It came out when I was 17 and that was 44 years ago (yikes!) In it was a character called Yoda who, other than speaking in a strange to us syntax, was considered a source of wisdom. One of the things he is known for saying is, “There is no try. There is only do or do not.” Well, as famous as this fictional character is for those lines, I have to be contrary (as usual) and disagree. To my mind, there is no do, there is only try. Everything starts with trying. The attempt is either successful or it is not. If it’s successful, it’s done. If not, it's keep on trying or give up. Besides, the saying that is much older than the creation of the aforementioned fictional character is “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” It’s not “if at first you don’t do, do, do again.” 

These days, there’s one heck of a lot of tryin’ going on at our place. We’re tryin’ to stay cool, tryin’ to get some grass cut, tryin’ to catch up on outside chores, tryin’ to help with cleanup around the daughter’s place, tryin’ to figure out her car situation,  tryin’ to think of things to eat that don’t require adding heat to the house and tryin’ to stay sane amongst all the cultural turmoil. The Boy and I make a really good team, so, between the two of us, most of the things we’re trying end up getting done. Some will have to wait until it cools down a bit. We’re not ones to give up though, so in the end all the things will get done one way or another. 

It is true that one needs guidance to even start trying. I was fortunate enough to have my Grandpa Jones near for a few of my growing up years. He was great at teaching trying. I can remember asking him things and him answering, "Well, how do you think we could go about finding out?” That taught me to think about things, to work the problem, to put my mind to finding a solution instead of just getting an answer. Once I had come up with a solution, we would test it to see if it worked. I guess that was my first introduction to the scientific method. Something isn’t right until it’s tested. It also taught me that there is no failure, only results and that negative results are just as important as positive ones. Because of that, when I tried something that didn’t work I wasn't discouraged. I didn’t feel like I had failed. I had tried, gotten a negative result, and learned what didn’t work. That’s just as important as learning what does work. It was that insight that has allowed me to keep on trying things if I don’t know how to do them, without fear of self recrimination or doubt being cast on me from the outside. It’s just a result. Learn from it and move on to the next thing you want to try that may, or may not, solve the problem at hand. You’ll get there eventually, even if the final answer ends up being that the problem as you think of it  has no solution and has to be rethought. 

That’s another thing I learned; You have to ask the right questions. The answer will depend on the questions you ask. If you hit a dead end, consider that you might not have asked the right question. For example, instead of asking, “How can I make this relationship work?” you’re asking, “How can my partner/spouse/ significant other and I come to understand the underlying dynamics of this relationship and find ways to make it stronger.” This is a better question and the answers will be more practicable. A good answer will almost always lead to more questions. In this example the questions might be, “What are our expectations of each other?” “What is it that we feel we need from the other person?” "What is it that the other person feels they need from us?” and so on. 

If you’re going through tryin’ times yourself, don’t forget to ask the right questions. Don’t forget to take all the context into account. Don’t forget that negative results aren’t failures and don’t forget that trying is the basis of everything that gets done. And please remember that it’s ok to ask for help. I learned that from Grandpa too. He never told me it wasn’t ok to ask him anything, anytime. If he didn’t have the time at that exact moment, he would always get back to me. While it’s true that in this life I’ve had to figure out a lot of things on my own, I had a good place to start because of what he taught me. 

These days, I am fortunate enough to have the Boy by my side, and that has made it obvious that another old saying, “Two heads are better than one,” is indeed the truth as long as both those heads are working together toward a common goal.