Dear Editor,
I (Jessica Durham) would like to set the record straight concerning me and my son, James. I agree that CPS does fail many children. In my case, no, it was not a case of failure to protect my child. The morning that he was taken by CPS, I went to Manchester and back. I was not even home. I had a babysitter, but I chose the wrong babysitter. As soon as I returned and found out CPS had James, I went straight to them. No one cared to ask me what happened. I was yelled at, and I automatically shut down because of a childhood trauma. The babysitter fell asleep, and James was at an age (like all children) that he went outside because he was bored or for whatever reason children do what they do. Thank God above someone called CPS because the babysitter fell asleep and anything could’ve happened to James. When the babysitter was woke up, she allegedly said that she was not responsible for “that kid” and that we were meth heads before running out. She was never mentioned again. We tried to bring her up in court, but she was brushed off. I plead guilty to the charges because I felt guilty for choosing the wrong babysitter. We passed every drug test and were at the CPS office nearly every day for 3 months, asking about him. If we weren’t up there, we were calling them. At the end of every visitation, James screamed and cried, holding on to my neck for dear life, leaving scratch marks on my neck because he didn’t want to go. He said please and thank you, he loved books, and he always had a smile on his face. Does that sound like an abused or abandoned child to you? Yeah, me neither. This was all in March of 2016. James was returned to us after just three (3) months in the care of CPS. Our caseworker said it was incredibly rare for parents to qualify for the return of their child after such a short period of time.
Fast forward to the worst day of my life. The day I lost my baby, we lost our son, we lost James.
In September of 2017, James and I were kidnapped. I was then beaten and shoved off an 80-foot cliff and left for dead. The man (Lonnie Belt) then took my son a little farther down the road, and ended his life. I’ll never forget the events of that morning. Lonnie was supposed to take my husband to his doctor’s appointment in Richmond. Instead, he showed up at my door, saying that my husband got sick and needed me. I had only met Lonnie once, but we had never exchanged words, so I had no reason not to believe him. I was lured out of my home under false pretenses. My love for my husband was used against me. (I eventually found out that his brother had taken my husband to Richmond.) Lonnie kept talking to himself, and when I fought back he dodged me as though he knew what I was going to do before I did it. After he regained control, he stated that he thought I had a knife. At that time, I always carried one. I later found out I was not the 1st woman to be attacked by him. I am at the end of a long list of women he knocked out and raped. Luckily, I did not pass out, and I did not get raped. He planned the whole thing, and when he was unable to knock me out, he panicked. It had nothing to do with money. We owed Lonnie nothing.
I was hit in the head, choked, my shoes removed, blindfolded, and eventually shoved off an 80 ft cliff. It was early on a Monday when I was told the news about James. I yelled at the police officer, “No! Not my baby. It was some other poor woman’s child.” It was at that moment, I shut down. Everything went numb. The next few months were a blur. I still can’t tell anyone much about it. I disassociated from myself and everything that was happening. The rumors went flying from the mouths who knew nothing about me or about what happened. I chose not to speak out in an attempt to heal. However, I feel it’s time people knew the truth. The rumors are still flying and being added to. I can’t make anyone believe me, but here’s my story, and people should know what they’re talking about as well as who they’re talking about before opening their mouths and spreading rumors. I am a victim; my family was victimized. I feel as though people are taking up for a child murderer, a rapist, a monster. I was there, I fought for my life, I fought for my son’s life, and I lost to a monster who was a predator from long ago. No one knows how they will react in such a situation. You can say “I would have…” until you're blue in the face, but unless you're in that situation, you don’t know how you will react.
To Zach Bryant, as a police officer, you should know better. Every case is unique and different. They should not be lumped together as one. You, above all, should not feed into rumors. You’re a police officer! Again, you should know better. There was absolutely no connection in my case between the CPS case of the previous year and the kidnapping and murder that led to the loss of my son. My son didn’t die because he was neglected or abused by his parents. He died because an evil man took his life for absolutely no reason at all. To tie those two things together in people’s minds, after we have spent years battling against such insinuations, is unconscionable, and I would have thought better of you.
Every day is a fight. However, with the proper medications and therapy, I’m continuing my journey through healing. I endure PTSD, OCD, depression, bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety, survivor's guilt, and social phobia. I use the word endure rather than suffer because every day I get up and fight. To suffer would mean I let my mental illnesses get the best of me, which I don’t. I continue to be kind despite my downfalls. I have my good days, bad days, and days I don’t even get out of bed. However, through it all, I endure. Every day I’m reminded of what was stolen from me. Every day, I’m plagued by false rumors. Every day is a battle, but I continue to fight.
Kind Regards,
Jessica Durham
Comments
No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here